To the Gods and Goddesses of Tires and Trees
I read once that the Druids believed that nature spirits dwelled in their trees. In my life I have taken that belief much further, as I believe there are spirits dwelling in inanimate objects as well. For instance, once my husband and I were in the kitchen discussing just how old the dishwasher was and lo and behold the next week the thing died out of spite or hurt feelings, I never knew which.
Quick to learn my lessons, I remembered the dishwasher incident when the refrigerator was approaching that senior age and we needed to discuss getting a new one. However, I literally made my husband go to a different part of the house for a discussion this time. My plan worked as we got a respite and were able to price fridges before the old one finally took a powder. Thus the “no discussing the appliances in their presence” rule was born and is always followed.
Now I am not a Druid, but I am somewhat superstitious. How do I know unequivocally that there is not some strange intelligence built into these devices and the things of nature? I can even tell you a weirder happenstance—talk in the vicinity of your computer about a product you need, or having a cold, etc., and what will pop up next when you search for something? Over in those side ads will appear an ad for cold remedies. Is it a coincidence? I think not - - w-o-o-o-o-o
So now I come to my point for the day. I want to appeal to the gods and goddesses of tires and trees and yes, lions and tigers and bears, to just cool it and give me a break. You see Roseanne Roseannadanna of Saturday Night Live fame was RIGHT—“It’s always something.” I envisioned retirement as a peaceful time of rest and reading and “sleeping in” most mornings. That was when the curse of the early riser hit me. Me, the woman who wanted to sleep for just twenty more minutes any time the alarm clock went off. But, as soon as I retired I started waking at 6 or 6:30 a.m. bright and alert! And along with that curse, the things you own, and even your house starts to deteriorate or need attention even if you are living the good life and are the picture of health. It’s almost like the Portrait of Dorian Gray—something has to give in, the washer, the car, something, all the while the decay of life being reflected in the things around you like the portrait was Dorian’s representation of his evil.
Two summers ago, the AC died. Well, anybody who lives in Georgia knows that is a must. Then this spring I needed new tires for my older car. So I shopped and replaced those. Now in the ongoing rain of yet another wet summer, limbs are falling from a large tree in my yard. So, I have sought out arborists and cutters galore and will bite the bullet and “pay the man” as Andy Griffith told Aunt Bee about her dying freezer. I will get the tree(s) cut or trimmed but I can assure you that will not be the end of it.
I see no way I can ever have a little lake cottage or a trip to Scotland or even some little extravagance I might feel I have earned in 70 years or so. Oh no, those things around me will conspire the moment such a thought pops into my head and require an outlay of my retirement funds. I have only one thing to say to that: “W-o-o-o-o-o!”