“GaGa-isms” -- Words to Live By
A while back I decided to write down my collective hints for a happy life for my granddaughter. Admittedly, some are kind of inane at first glance, but if you are older, you will realize just how really smart they seem.
I love my granddaughter dearly, she is my life and breath, she carries my DNA and that of the love of my life, her grandfather. She is the issue of my daughter whom I love with my whole heart and my son-in-law who is a mighty warrior who watches over these two loves like the guardian I would want him to be.
Since my granddaughter called me “GaGa” from the beginning, I still retain that moniker. Thus, I have named my life hints “GaGa-isms” for her -- tiny facts or important premises to guide her. They are premises that upon closer reading at the end of her life, she will find golden and not as “out there” as one might think.
They read something like this:
GAGA-isms
1. At the risk of starting off on the wrong foot, an indelicate foot at that, I will lead with the truism I quote to you all the time: Never pass up a chance to visit the ladies’ room before leaving on an errand, a trip, a journey. As you get older you will thank me for having you form this habit. We live in a huge city, with monster traffic jams, so always make sure you are road ready. (As you grow older you will find that your bladder is not a true friend.)
2. Always keep a little pin money* in your pocket, on your person, in your purse, etc. (What is “Pin Money?”* (See the asterisk below for a definition)
3. Always keep gas in your gas tank. This one is apparent, but trust me, there will come a day when you have forgotten to actually put petrol in the old family flivver**, and not only will you not be able to go anywhere, but you will feel stupid as I did. (Flivver? See asterisk 2)
4. If you plan to ditch dishes in the kitchen sink while in a hurry, be sure to squirt a little dish washing liquid and douse with a splash of water. This will save untold hours of scraping and cursing under your breath before loading the dishwasher.
5. The squeaky wheel truly does get the oil. This is the only piece of advice I gave your mother after she graduated from college. She graduated with honor, so I felt she had all the info down, but needed me to cue her into the human side of business. I worked at my alma mater, the college she and I attended, and at a huge Governmental agency for 25 years, and the one thing that never, ever failed: the person who crabbed the most, got what they wanted. They made an absolute pest of themselves until any boss would tell us - - “Give them whatever they want, but just get RID of them.” Squeaky wheel wins every time.
6. Don’t e-mail, instant message, or “tweet,” anything that you would not want to see on a billboard going down any expressway. Always consider that the world might see your comment(s), so record your electronic words and thoughts accordingly.
7. Make friends, lots of friends—as many as you can make. This will never seem a bad idea. It will mean you have to keep a cleaner house in case one of those many friends is a “drop-inner.” And your Christmas card list or party invitation roster will be huge, but fear not. When you are down, when you hit a bump, when you have people dear to you who are sick or gravely ill, these friends will show up like stars appearing in the night sky. They will warm your heart and stand by you through the darkness.
Corollary to this “ism”: Make sure you do the same for these friends—always.
8. Honor your mother and father. You should be doing this anyway as it is one of God’s Top Ten, but do it without fail. One day your parents will be gone and you will have nothing for which to be sorry.
9. Be kind to strangers. Apply the rule that you “never know a person until you walk in their moccasins.” So, if the waitress is slow, if someone seems shy or embarrassed, give them an extra smile or kind word. You’ll never know whose day you are making. They might just be having a bad time of it, and you can ease the way. Besides, anyone looks prettier or more handsome when they smile.
10. Don’t be a door mat. As an only child I thought this was something I had to do to just make it through school. But as an adult I found out that I could tell people “no,” or that I didn’t agree, or that I was not buying into their particular lame plan, and it did not split my world asunder. You must always do it in a businesslike, no-angst, kind of way, but it can be done.
11. Read as many books as you can, not to just read them for the sake of numbers, but choose carefully. Read about many subjects, and truly learn from this reading. On a bad day, a sick day, a slow day, when you are in a waiting room, or have those spare moments—there is always a book (no matter how one accesses it nowadays, by phone, e-reader, streaming, etc.), and a book can be a great friend.
12. Watch TV (who knows what it will morph into and be called in your lifetime) and don’t let anyone tell you that TV rots your brain. I have grown up watching a lot of television and have learned a great deal. I watch nonsense, musicals, movies, documentaries, history programs, news, talk shows and the classics, and I would venture to say that about one-fifth of all my knowledge came from television.
13. Laugh at yourself, and do it first. This does not mean that you have to constantly denigrate yourself, but when you goofed, take the heat, make it right and be pleasant company while you work.
I have stopped here because my wisdom pool has dried up, but I will add to these as they occur to me, as my fading grey matter reveals them to me as I re-live and remember the failures and successes I have had.